Parashat Ki Tetze: An Imperfect World

 

Parashat Ki Tetze: An Imperfect World

Rabbi Ari Kahn

A number of years ago, I had an idea to write a book about Jewish law. The book I envisioned would be a little different from others. And for those curious — no, I didn’t get very far.

I had a cover idea: Halacha — Jewish Law for an Imperfect World. Because what I saw was that many books dealt with the ideal world, the way things are supposed to be.

But the problem — which I felt then and still feel now — is that the world we live in is far from perfect. And not only the world, but the people in it are incredibly imperfect.

In this week’s parasha, Ki Tetze, the Torah speaks about marriage. And if you look carefully, you’ll find five different ways marriage is addressed — none of them quite the romantic ideal of “boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after.”

Instead, it begins with a man going to war, seeing a woman, and taking her captive.[1] That’s not how marriage is supposed to happen.

Then it speaks of a man having more than one wife — a situation the Torah theoretically allows.[2] But it also describes the inevitable fallout: one wife is loved, the other is not, and the children born into this dynamic suffer the consequences.[3]

What the Torah is describing here is case after case of dysfunction. Situations that are not ideal. Not the way things are supposed to be.

So we have to ask: why would the Torah do this?

The answer is simple — because we live in an imperfect world. And the Torah gives us examples of imperfection, some of which we hope are beyond our imagination. But they still exist. And the Torah addresses them.

There are behaviors that are abhorrent — but they must be spoken about. Because ethics isn’t always about choosing between good and bad. That’s easy.

Ethics is what we need when the choice is between bad and worse. Or between two bad options. What do we do then?

Jewish ideals teach us that in those moments, we must choose the path that brings us closer to God.

And that’s not always simple. There are short-term and long-term consequences to consider. But when I look through this week’s parasha, I appreciate how it doesn’t shy away from imperfection — from lust, desire, cheating, and other behaviors we abhor. The Torah speaks about them because we need to.

We need to educate ourselves and others — our children, our students, our communities — about how to avoid these situations. We need strategies.

Take the opening of the parasha: a man goes to war, sees a beautiful woman, and desires her. The Torah says: fine — but realize something. You must bring her home. She becomes your wife.[4]

She gets the credit card. She gets full rights. Full privileges.

This isn’t a casual encounter. The Torah doesn’t allow a relationship outside the framework of marriage. And in a way, this framework works better than a cold shower.

She gets the credit card. She gets full rights. Think about that — and behave yourself.

The Torah is talking about passion. About war. About things that, in a perfect world, wouldn’t exist. But in our world, they do.

And the Torah gives us examples to help us navigate this world. To help us counter the yetzer hara — the evil inclination. One of the best strategies? Long-term thinking. Consider the consequences. Step out of the heat of battle. Step out of the moment.

Step out of the imperfect world we’re presented with — and try to make it a place that’s just a little more perfect.

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[1] Deuteronomy 21:10–14 — The laws of the captive woman (eshet yefat to’ar) taken in war.

[2] Deuteronomy 21:15–17 — The case of a man with two wives, one loved and one unloved.

[3] See Rashi and Sifrei on Deuteronomy 21 — These sources explore the consequences of favoritism and family dysfunction.

[4] Talmud Bavli, Kiddushin 21b — Discusses the laws and moral implications of the captive woman and the Torah’s attempt to regulate desire.