Rabbi Ari Kahn
Parashat Ki Tetze 5775
Another Brick in the Wall
Over the past few chapters we have noted a gradual shift in
the topics Moshe addresses as he imparts his final lessons to the Jewish
People. From an extensive polemic against idolatry, the focus shifts to the building
of the Temple, and then moves on to other national institutions such as the
establishment and mandate of courts, the monarchy and prophets. To a large
extent, this week’s
parashah narrows the lens, moving to commandments of a more interpersonal or individual
nature. Though Moshe touches upon many commandments, one particular topic is
mentioned numerous times: marriage.[1]
Although much of the discussion revolves around what might be called “unconventional relationships” -- the wife taken as a captive of
war, polygamy and preference of one wife above the other, and more -- there is
one brief mention of love, marriage and happiness.
When a man takes a new bride, he shall not enter military
service or be assigned to any associated duty. He must remain free for his
family for one year, and rejoice with his bride. (Dvarim 24:5)
The Sefer HaHinuch,
an early (anonymous) book of Mitzvot, notes that the concept of marriage is a
stark, polar opposite to sexual promiscuity (that is mentioned earlier in this
parashah Dvarim 23:18). The selection of one special person, as described
poetically by Adam[2] in
the Garden of Eden, is the ideal:
A man shall therefore leave his father and mother and cling
to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Bereishit 2:24)
One man, one woman; this a relationship of exclusivity.
In a sense, the nature of marriage mirrors the relationship
outlined earlier in Dvarim regarding the Beit Hamikdash. We are told to serve
God in one chosen, special place:
Do away with all the places where the nations whom you are
driving out worship their gods, [whether they are] on the high mountains, on
the hills, or under any luxuriant tree…You may not worship the Almighty God in such a manner. This
you may do only on the site that the Almighty God will choose from among all
your tribes, as a place established in His name. It is there that you shall go
to seek His presence. (Devarim 12:2-5)
While the idolaters worshiped under every tree and upon
every hill and high place, the Jews were commanded to worship God exclusively in
one centralized place - a place later
identified as Jerusalem. We might say that the difference between the Jewish
approach to worship and the idolatrous approach is the difference between a “one night stand” and a marriage, between promiscuity
and the union of two people joined in holiness. Idolatry, particularly
regarding the element of immediate gratification, is spiritual promiscuity.
When a bride and groom rejoice in one another, their
happiness stems in no small part from the joy of exclusivity, from the knowledge
that their chosen partner is the only person with whom they will share the
holiness of marriage and sexual intimacy. This is happiness born of holiness. In
this context, the Talmud teaches us that not only is it incumbent upon the husband
to bring joy and happiness to his spouse, but all those who attend the wedding
are commanded to bring happiness to the new couple. In fact, the Talmud (Talmud
Bavli Brachot 6b) goes so far as to say that whoever successfully brings joy to
the bride and groom, is considered to have rebuilt “one of the ruins of Jerusalem.”
As we know, the ruin of Jerusalem is the Temple
itself, a building dedicated to the exclusive relationship between God and His
People. When the people “cheated” on God, as was the case during the First Temple era, or simply
took their relationship with Him for granted, as was the case during the Second
Temple era, the Temple was destroyed. On the personal scale, marriage, with its
essential component of exclusivity, serves as a metaphor for the relationship
between man and God; in essence, it is a microcosm of that relationship. When a
husband and wife find joy in this holiness of marriage, they build not only
their own interpersonal relationship, but also the community as a whole, as
well as the relationship between man and God. They become partners in the
rebuilding of the Temple.
Every Jewish home is holy. In a sense, every Jewish home is
a microcosm of the Holy Temple. Therefore, every happy Jewish home serves as a
step to the complete rebuilding of Jerusalem.
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a more in-depth analysis see:
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